A Hot Mess

The following little story should serve as a cautionary tale for anyone looking to get a puppy. I'm talking the kind of cautionary tales my mom used to tell me and my sister: real dangers that could happen if you didn't heed her word, such as the time she told us if you put your head underwater in a hot tub your hair could get caught in a jet and you could drown, or when she said that if I got my belly button pierced and it got infected, it could spread to my lower intestines and I could die. This might even be right up there with "if you don't wear your seatbelt the car door could come flying open, causing you to fall out and get gravel under your eyelids, like what happened to you aunt when she was six". It's one of those.

Usually when I leave for work in the morning, I've sufficiently tired out Theo that he just sleeps the whole morning and doesn't wake up until I come home at lunchtime. That was not the case today. Today I came home to see, from across the room, that Theo had pooped and peed on his puppy pad. Good boy! I prefer it when he holds his poops for when I take him outside, but a puppy pad is definitely acceptable.

Upon closer inspection I saw that there was also a piece of poop on the floor. Well that sucks, but at least he had the right idea. Upon even closer inspection I saw smears of poop all over the floor. By this time I was right next to the pen and Theo, in his enthusiasm to get out of the pen stepped in the poop...great...and then proceeded to walk all over his pen (and toys), tracking (more) poo smudges everywhere. It was disgusting. I grabbed a wipe and cleaned off Theo's paws as best I could. I got out an arsenal of paper towels and started spraying 409 everywhere to wipe up the poo smudges.

Somehow I kept noticing new smudges. That's when I noticed it (and realized where all the previous smudges had come from). The little piece of poop that was hanging out of his butt. I don't know if it was him freaking out over the poop or just regular excitement to see me, but as soon as I had mostly cleaned the floor, there were all of a sudden half a dozen more poo smudges! Ack! Ew! I wiped off the poop, which was attached to a strand of my hair that was still...*ahem*...in there. Oh my goodness, I don't know how I didn't vomit right on top of his head. Oh by the way, it smelled like all kinds of nastiness while this was going on.

After I cleaned the floor again, I decided I'd clean off Theo's paws a little better since my initial attempt didn't seem to...get everything. I picked him up and turned him on his back. Theo doesn't generally like this, so he kicked his paws out, trying to get leverage off of my body and face. "Oh god, don't touch me!" was all I could say. I managed to get him on his back and clean off his paws with no visible signs of poo transfer. Phew! His paws were clean, the pen was relatively clean, so back in the pen he went. I needed to start washing his poop covered toys and I didn't want that hot little mess running all over the kitchen. I got the laundry started and headed back to the pen and guess what I saw?

He had peed.

Then he stepped in it.

Then he ran all over the pen.

Seriously.

I wiped off Theo's paws...again, and let him out of the pen. This time I went for heavy duty (or should I say dooty?) cleaning and got the swiffer-mop-thing. I went over the area...and over...and over again. Phew! Finally! It was clean!

And that's the story (at least until I head home tonight and see if Theo went ahead with an encore). Sure, I can laugh about it (I already did while writing this post). Sure, it might sound gross, but not so bad. But really, it was that bad. It was nasty! Please, Theo, don't ever make me clean up (over and over and over again) that kind of mess again! Is it any wonder I never ended up eating lunch? Yeglck!

I'm sure other people with puppies have similar stories, so all you squeamish people out there who won't be able to cover the bathroom duties (doodies?)...at least make sure you've got a husband, or boyfriend, or someone that will come over and clean up the mess for you, 'cause it's just gotta be done.